Frustrations and Mixed Emotions

The last few weeks have been, well, interesting to say the least. I've seen the doctor about 3 or 4 times now for a problem i've been having with my mouth. About a month and a half ago, I started getting what appeared to be just really chapped lips. It progressively worsened over the weeks. I tried curing it on my own and let me tell you, I tried EVERYTHING under the sun. One pharmacist told me it was a fungus (ahhh!! yuck!) so I tried putting a cream on it. Another told me it was a vitamin deficiency, so I loaded up on a multi and B vitamin. Now, i'm not trying to get all grose and disgusting on everyone here, but you have no idea how bad its been. I woke up one morning last week and Aaron and I thought I had a flesh eating disease. Can you believe that?!? So I rushed into the doctor (thank the Lord military medical facilities are open on Saturdays!!) and a doctor put me on some heavy steroids, pain killers, 8 pills of antibiotic a day and a cream for my lips. He said he thought I had come down with a bacterial infection. Ugh!

Yesterday I had a follow-up appointment and things looked good - It was my last day of steroids. But, this morning, it seems to be flairing up again. The doc did say yesterday that an allergy could have triggered it, and then a bacteria some how got to it too and made it worse.

So, the million dollar question of the day is, WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK I COULD BE ALLERGIC TO?!? I am desperate for ideas from ANYONE! I don't care if you're a stranger, a friend, a family member, Jack Bauer, Dwight Schrute - Gosh, someone help me!! I will try anything, really....

Now onto something else. I've been having so many mixed emotions lately about Aaron's deployment situation. We still haven't heard anything which doesn't surprise me. I know this sounds pessimistic, but I have a feeling that if he goes, we'll have about a week or two to prepare. That's just how the military works in these types of situations. I hope i'm not sounding bitter, though. I am so thankful that there's even a chance that Aaron won't go. And it isn't because we don't support the mission, I guess it's the selfish side of me that has been saying, "Wow, we just got married...we're in the middle of working on our house....this is such a bad time for him to leave me!" But guess what, when is it EVER a good time for ANYONE? One of the other officers stationed out here with us is leaving for Iraq in about 3 weeks. His wife is due to have a baby in December. I have lost sleep over this - Literally. I mean, why us and not them?? These are difficult questions to ask and I realize more and more everyday that I don't have answers. But, God does. I'm learning to let go. It's much easier to just leave it in the hands of the one who DOES know.

At the end of each day, i'm so proud of Aaron. He is always ready for the call from his country. How many of us could say that we would willingly give up everything and put our lives on hold to serve this country and the people who live here?? I cannot express my respect for him and so many others.

Though we would love to not spend months apart, I can honestly say that we are ready. We are ready for either outcome and we TRUST that GOD will take care of little things like, how will I sleep at night? How could I possibly live alone for all those months? What would I do if something terrible happened with the house? I wouldn't have my handy-man anymore! :( What if the car broke down? What if I became really sick and didn't have anyone to help!? These are such awful questions, but I think pretty common ones for women who are preparing to send their soldier off.

Please do not pitty me. All I would ever ask for is prayer.....