Monday, January 24, 2011

Let's Get Real

My body does not love pregnancy. There. I said it. I actually don't feel bad anymore saying that, because it has NOTHING to do with how much I love my baby and carrying him in my body. But let's get real here, folks. I have been sick....real sick for most of my pregnancy so far. I'm still having to take a strong prescription to keep me from tossing my cookies all day long. On top of that, i'm tired all the time. Who said the 2nd trimester is the most wonderful?? Not me. And i've come to grips with the fact that for most people, that's true. But not for me. And you know what? I'm ok with that. Every kid is different, so every pregnancy is most certainly different. I have still been very dizzy and experiencing heart palpatations that are rather scary and uncomfortable. And for the 3rd time, I went to the ER last week. My experience was horrific after the dr. got all scientific and said I might need a CT-Scan to check for a blood clot in my lung (long story, won't get into it) that (in his very words) "could quite possibly kill your baby." What?!? Who says that to a first time pregnant woman who is alone in an ER with no support. Why would I get a CT-Scan when you're telling me it could kill my baby?! Terrible. I don't know how true all that was, but I didn't have the scan, though I did have a panic attack following that conversation. Not one of my proudest moments. It was a memory I would be OK with soon forgetting.

Instead, i'm now under the supervision of a cardiologist. I really don't think anything's seriously wrong with my heart, but my OB sent me to this guy just to be sure. So i'm now the proud owner - for the next two weeks - of a constant heart monitor. I am also having an ultrasound of my heart on Wednesday. Furthermore, i'm under strict orders not to get behind the wheel of a car until all of this testing is done. It's all for the good, but this certainly has and continues to be a long journey. Praise Jesus that our boy is doing perfectly fine. It really does appear to be me. And who knows, perhaps they will just confirm what I said at the beginning of this post - That my body does not love pregnancy. The funny thing is, I would do this all over again. That's just how much I love my baby (and future child(ren)) already! It's amazing.

I am constantly reminded of the very heart of God in all of this. Of all His creation, He loves PEOPLE the most. If He didn't, Jesus life and death wouldn't have been necessary. So i'm comforted in knowing that I am held by the creator of the universe and so is my son. God knew how my journey would go, but thought it important enough to create this little one and choose me to carry him and be his mother. I just know God's plan for our baby in marvelous and i'm overjoyed just thinking about it. Who will he be? What will he become? I look forward to sharing with him this experience and using it as one of many examples to show him how faithful and wonderful our father God truly is.

I've begun journaling privately and digging into scripture more than I have before. It's true that the word of God is living and active and brings comfort to the broken. I am experiencing it ever so deeply (Hebrews 4:12). I know that I will be able to look back and continue to see the constant faithfulness of God. That's why I want to journal. I want to give God all the glory for how he works through me. And I will learn just a bit more about His very character through this process...the only thing my heart really longs for.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

We Still Have a BOY!

"Hey, look over there, Mom and Dad!"
He looks so sweet and cuddly!

Aaron and I had the most amazing 20 week ultrasound this morning! Our tech was so sweet as was the radiologist. They spent about 20 minutes capturing pictures and letting us watch our little man! It made me cry, laugh and want to hold him! I can't wait. They said everything looked absolutely wonderful - Baby boy Meredith is good and healthy! My favorite part is when he stuck his tongue out at us...not sure that will be as funny in a few years. Hmmm..... ;)

I feel so blessed that God chose me to be this little one's Mama!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Back In the Game!

Christmas 2010 with the Gordon fam!
Aaron and my dad the day the Seahawks won the Division - one of the best days of both their lives.
Addie sure loves her Uncle "Ernie" (Aaron) :)
One of Addie's favorite things about the Super Mall!
Cute as can be! And almost 2. I can hardly believe it!
My dad's face when he found out our baby has a penis. BIG DEAL since our family is flooded with GIRLS!
Aaron flying his new helicopter he got from my parents for Christmas. My dad bought himself one, too. Do boys ever grow up?
Sorry for the random bullet points, but here's the latest:
Washington was wonderful - it only rained a few days and the sun shined the rest (contrary to what people who are not from WA might think!)
  • My dad took Aaron to his first Seahawk game since Aaron last went in the Kingdome - Yes, that would be since 1988! They had a great time and of course it was a HUGE game since they won. Yeah!
  • Addie is growing up super fast - She's absolutely hilarious and says the funniest things. She's pretty advanced (verbally) for her age. Right now she loves Toy Story 3. And can you guess who her favorite character is? BIG BABY. Seriously - The creepiest character in the entire movie! When you ask her, "What does Lotso say?" She attempts to deepen her voice and says, "Hey Big Baby." SO FUNNY. She also loves Buzz, Woody and Jessie. Sometimes she'll just babble on and on and then at the end of a no-nonesense phrase say, "Buzz!" We watched Toy Story no less than 7 or 8 times while we were there. But I must say, hands down one of my favorite Disney movies of all time.
  • Addie also loves her uncle Aaron. Though "Aaron" actually comes out of her mouth as "Ernie." Easier to say I guess. And it usually comes out like "Eunie" almost with an East Coast accent. We die laughing everytime she says, "Where Eunie?? EUNIE! EUUUUUUUNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" It really is comical.
  • I am not as cool as Uncle "Ernie." I'm the default when she's upset. I can be in a different room entirely and she'll be mad at my sister or Tim or really anyone else and you'll hear her yell, "NO Ney!" (She calls me "Ney" since she can't say the "Jen" part.) Oh well, i'm sure she'll grow out of this stage!
  • She can identify all the letters of the alphabet, as well as numbers 1-10. Her favorite letters are all the vowels.
  • Telling my dad that we are having a boy was his Christmas present. My dad has waited half his life to hear that a boy will be joining our family (well, he got Aaron and Tim, but this is blood relation now!) As you can see from the picture, his reaction was quite fantastic. I wrote a funny poem. It was perfect.
  • My parents got spa packages for my sister and I for Christmas. BEST GIFT EVER. Two hours of massage and facial. HEAVEN!
  • In case some of you are wondering, we found out at 15 weeks we were having a boy (not planned) but when I passed out the first time and went to the ER, they did an ultrasound just to be safe. Baby looked just fine. AND we saw "the goods!"
  • I was tired a lot out in WA...slept a ton and ended up back in the ER after a few more near pass-out spells. It takes a lot out of me. Still, they can find nothing "abnormal" as they put it. Yesterday, I almost passed out while driving. This is getting FREAKY and, quite frankly, RIDICULOUS. Driving and passing out is my greatest fear: hurting myself, baby and God forbid, someone else. :( I feel like an old person who needs to realize it might be unsafe for me to drive and I should really stop....The OB says I should stop working. But I haven't brought myself to do that yet. Like I said, this is getting ridiculous.
  • I'm still carrying very small. The OB says it isn't a big deal since everything (by measure) is spot on. I still think it's a bit strange, but I suppose I better just enjoy it.
  • I started really feeling our little guy move and groove the other day. I LOVE it! It's so surreal, wonderful and miraculous to feel! He's most active at night. This has me nervous for June! His nights and days are already mixed up. He's ready to rock and roll at midnight. I, on the other hand, am not. It's amusing now, but will certainly not be once he arrives!
  • Wednesday (1/19) is our 20 week ultrasound. I'm so excited to see our son! This will also be the time to confirm he is, in fact, still a HE. Yikes. It would be better to find out now than in the delivery room! Right?!
  • Wednesday is also a big day for Aaron. He is having his first cavity filled. This is a BIG DEAL since he's been saying our entire married life already (all 2.5 years of it...ha!) that he has "superior genes." DORK!

    More updates to come!