I've found myself unable to blog much for the past few weeks. It isn't because there's a lack of things to share, it's just that I've yet to discover a way to share things that can't be understood outside of the heart.
It's almost conflicting when I realize that most of the work I do is what many would call "depressing" and "overwhelming." When people ask me what I do for work, I often want to blurt out the question: "Do you want the short or the long answer?" Sometimes I can tell when I've explained too much....I might start to really bring the mood down in a conversation. I've come to realize that it isn't purely natural to "want to" walk through the fire with another human being during a time of great brokenness.
As I was catching up today with a friend who is about to embark on a new journey working for an international ministry, God brought these words to me as she and I discussed the amazing places faith in Christ leads us. I said, "Being in a ministry that takes you into the lives of hurting and often over-looked people, leaves your heart in two places. Half of your heart is constantly hurting and broken, but at the very same time the other half of your heart bursts with joy for the incredible miracles the Lord allows you to witness." The world is full of great sorrow - It is easy to get stuck on those things...this I know. But incredible things are still happening!
As I met with my boss yesterday, she shared something with me that really resonated. She said, "Often times we ask ourselves why a loving God would allow so many awful things to happen in the world. But the real question we should be asking is this: How could God not just wipe us all off the face of the earth for the destructive choices that we make." He created us. He could take us all away. It's very humbling to think of life in that way.
The thing I love most, is that I get to share real life with women as we see the good and bad in one another. I'm allowed the opportunity to walk beside someone as we journey through a time of life. She allows me trust - and to love and to help her. What our clients don't always realize is how much they actually bless us. It's incredible and I truly learn so much from them. Someone also said to me recently, "Whoever you come into contact with, always remind yourself: YOU are the worst sinner you know." Leaving any and all judgement behind and thinking of yourself as less than the broken one sitting before you. Since Jesus died to save us all, we are all broken in need of His grace and forgiveness. And it isn't about "getting rid" of anything, but accepting the gift that we could be loved enough to die for. For me, compassion flows out from my very being as I continue to grasp a bit more each day the grace I've been given. And how freeing it is to know that I am not given the power of judgement. That belongs to God alone. But through Jesus, I can be filled with his love and called to share it with women as it breaks our chains of pain and sorrow.
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and are justified FREELY by his grace, through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24