I hate admitting that the past few months (if not year or so) I realize i've dwelled on all the bad, "ho-hum" things that happen in my life. I'm ashamed of my self-centeredness at times. I'll also admit that i've accused Aaron probably one too many times of not having my best interest at heart. I've usually said this because of something he forgot to do or maybe didn't make the best decision about. But I can say with all confidence that Aaron does and always has had my best interest at heart. I know that he wants nothing but the best for our family.
We've gone through a lot of change together in the last two years or so. I think both of us feel quite unsettled. One reason for this is that as a military family, you automatically accept that your life will never feel completely stable. At any moment, your life can be turned upside down with a deployment. Now, as we prepare to separate from the military, we are again faced with various challenges from scrambling to finish our house and decorate it (this is EXPENSIVE!), to attempting to sell our house in a very difficult and uncertain market, Aaron's search for a civilian engineering job (hopefully on the west coast!), etc, etc, etc.
Recently, I've been making a conscious effort to focus on the good in a bad/difficult situation. Here's what i've discovered that has flipped my life around and back on the positive track:
1) God makes good from ANY situation if I submit myself and our circumstances to allow him to do it.
2) Aaron is the love of my life and I really could care less at the end of the day if the door frame is crooked, the kitchen too small, the dry-wall is uneven, etc, etc. because I get to spend my life with the most amazing man in the world and I find so much joy in his company!
3) I am in this season of my life where I won't be working again until we move this summer. If you had asked me 3 months ago what i'd be doing right now, I never would have thought I'd be home finishing the house, diving into cook books to prepare yummy, healthy dinners for me and my hubby, attending the most amazing woman's bible study at BCC (Burke Community Church - the most incredible church "home" away from home!) and volunteering each week to work with young women who are living through an unplanned pregnancy. The bible course i'm taking is a Beth Moore study. I can't put words to how wonderful she is. She ushers you into a closeness with God like i've never experienced before. Right now we're doing the study of the Psalms of Ascent and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone in any stage of their life. This is a true into-the-Bible type of study!
As I mentioned, i'm loving my volunteer time with the Alexandria Pregnancy Help Center (AKA Sanctity of Life Ministries.) I can't thank God enough for allowing me this season of my life to dedicate some of my time to connect with other women who are in need. We have an incredible director at APHC named Rebecca and an office manager who i'm really connecting with named Margie. Margie is a widow as of 4 years ago who has an amazing outlook on life from an eternal perspective. She's captivating and I love visiting with her. And I must add that I love babies so much! There is nothing more special in this life than life itself and the gift of an innocent child. I look forward to having a family with Aaron and I often wonder what our children will look like :) I would love to have a son someday because I know he'll be just as handsome as Aaron!
4) I am choosing to enjoy the house at this point. Yes! I said it! I'm ENJOYING our house! I have had such a bad attitude about this in the past. You really have no idea the mess we've lived in at times throughout this process, but God is so good! We have food, clothing, a roof over our heads and each other!
5) We are anxiously awaiting the day when our first niece Addison arrives! JOY JOY JOY!!
I know I could list more things, but maybe i'll just write a book later. What's so cool about this list is that i've slowed myself down enough to spend time focusing on these wonderful things and counting it all JOY that no matter what difficulties are happening right now, there are so many wonderful things to dwell on. I feel happier and more energetic with just a simple mind shift.
To end, I want to share a few old photos from my college volunteer days. I spent a great deal of time last week going through old photos from working with homeless children on Skid Row in LA. I promised myself when I left LA that I wouldn't forget what's important in life and get caught up in senseless, meaningless work (y’all know what I mean here.) My first year of work out of college, I pinned pictures of these kids up in my cubicle and I just love and miss them so much and hope their lives continue to be touched by other people who also love them.
My special boy, Jose